Matt Hazard

Have you ever noticed that when you take a vacation, the first half always feels different than the second half? The start is always fun and exciting, maybe kicking off with a drink or an excited cab ride to the airport. The second half though, that always hits different.

I took two weeks off in October in lieu of a summer vacation since the country was actively burning and the camp sites went up in smoke. Instead of heading somewhere with a beach, I chose my favourite method of staycation where I keep an analog clock near me at all times so I can watch every painful second tick by, creating a feeling of timeless bliss… However, I digress.

The first week went exactly as I’d planned, amazing. And with the analog clock by my side, that first week felt like an eternity. By week two, things started to fall off the rails.

I started to feel a general sense of running out of time, and by mid-week I was hit with a level of anxiety that I haven’t felt since 10th grade finals. Though unlike failing a math test, the thought of returning to work felt more akin to the dread of going to summer school.

To fight off the feeling of inevitability, I did what anyone else would do – checked the classifieds for dream jobs that I’m unqualified for, and bought lottery tickets. Lots and lots of lottery tickets.

After a few weeks back at work, the anxiety and dread have mostly subsided and been replaced with the familiar numbness I’ve grown accustomed to. Just in time for Christmas.

It really makes one wonder, at what point did we become so helpless to our employer? When did we allow ourselves to be mentally enslaved to the big corporations? And am I going through a midlife crisis? A little extra emphasis on the latter, mostly. Maybe.