I grew up watching martial arts movies, from Ninja Turtles all the way through the Mortal Kombat instalments. I was obsessed. We even had a trampoline that I’d practice backflips and other tricks as a youth, just in case I needed such skills to navigate the mean hallways of my elementary school.
This mindset carried over for the next two decades. Watch the TMNT movies, jump on the trampoline, maybe get a tiny bit of actual Tae Kwon Do training in. Rinse, repeat. I was young. I was strong. I was all that is nerd.
Today, my old man body has been conditioned to withstand the pains of sitting in a computer chair for hours on end, and leaning forward slightly to move larger objects out of the way whilst vacuuming. What can I say, I’ve gotten tough over the years. You should see me crush a can of Pepsi Zero with one hand and throw it more than halfway to the recycling bin.
Yet, even so, I’ve decided that wasn’t good enough. I can do better. So after careful consideration – and movie inspiration through my weekly ritual of Kung Fu Sunday’s – I rejoined my old martial arts gym. And good Lord am I in pain.
The Good
Fitness after 40 is a really good idea. Building healthy habits is key for longevity, and maintaining muscle strength and bone density is crucial for lowering all-cause mortality. Besides, who doesn’t want to enjoy a full night of healthy deep sleep after some good ol’ fashioned exercise?
The Bad
It hurts. Oh how it hurts. And it’s never the day after, either. The day after training is fatigue. Two days later the pain sets in. Three days later the pain is deep-seeded into the bones, and you’re driven to call out skyward for mercy. Day four it starts to go away, and hey look, it’s time to train again..
The Ugly (Truth)
On paper, fitness is simple and fun. Social media promotes it, and the internet lays out fictitious stories of ‘the right way’ to get into shape. The reality is, it’s as simple as putting in the work. There’s no way around the effort. The trick is finding something enjoyable so it doesn’t feel completely like work. Pain, pain, pain – and then progress. That’s how you know it’s working.
Four weeks back into training and my body is recalling all the agony from 2009. The healing process after a class that I aptly call Terrible Tuesdays is getting faster. With fists full of fury, I guess you could say I’m getting my Kung Fu hustle on. Progress is good!
There was only one small setback a week ago that my groin is still healing from. During warmup I tried to perform a kick that my hips were just not ready for. Throwing all my force into what I thought would look like perfect Bruce Lee round house, my hips buckled, groin stretched, and I twisted into some awkward half sitting half standing cross legged pretzel. After emitting a very unmanly yelp, the instructor asked me what move I was trying.
Still locked in the pretzel position, I casually replied, “I call it Crouching Student, Screaming Hazard.”
Matt Hazard 
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