Matt Hazard

Have you ever been around a child that accidently learned a bad word from frustrated parents? Odds are you have. In my case, I was that child. Sure, it can be hilarious for the first five minutes, but if you’re the parent you’ll come to realize that you may have a problem on your hands.

Turns out, training dogs for entertainment purposes can also pose similar risks.

About two years ago, I thought it’d be funny to associate a song with my dog’s feeding time. For reference, we have three dogs. Triple the fun. As the clock ticked 7pm, I’d toss on a fitting track to signify food time as I prepped their dinner. The track? Hungry Like The Wolf. Duran Duran would be proud.

Within a few days, that iconic laugh at the start of the track would put my three dogs into a frenzy. It was hilarious at the beginning, but it didn’t take long before it became a bit of a problem. And since wifey and I were both born in the 80s, that genre is frequently in our playlists. Which means randomly on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of vacuuming the living room, that song could pop up and give all three roommates the zoomies.

Spoiler…it has.

I really should have known better though, because sadly this isn’t my first run-in with Pavlovian training. Back in 2010 on a work job site, I successfully trained my entire crew and foreman to associate our weekly safety meeting with the Mexican Hat Dance. All it took was a little whistling on my part after the boss man announced the beginning of the post-lunch safety meeting, and after about two months a chorus of whistles erupted from everyone else at the lunch table. Score. It works on humans.

And I know what you’re thinking – this concept isn’t exactly foreign. On a daily basis our senses link us to various memories or schedules…like how a song on the radio can remind you of high school, the smell of home baking can bring you back to childhood, or how when you hear someone’s phone ring with the same tune that you chose as your wake up alarm you can feel the anxiety levels rise.

Since we’re all wired to associate patterns to events, there’s not much we can do but embrace it. Ok fine, so my dogs do get all hyped up and drooly whenever that hit from the 80s comes into play, but hey, at least they’re jumping up on me to the rhythm of a good song…which from an outsiders standpoint probably looks like dancing. So why not have fun with it? Train your dog to know it’s time for a walk whenever he hears the Proclaimers, or gently remind your lady-friend she’s taking too long in the bathroom with a friendly play of the Jeopardy theme. Ladies, you too can give your male counterparts a gentle reminder to take out the trash by giving The Guess Who’s No Sugar Tonight some airtime.

The sky is truly the limit, and the world is your oyster to play with. So get those earworms out to the world! Train your pets to expect a car ride whenever Kickstart My Heart starts playing! And be the villain that your friend group didn’t ask for!