Matt Hazard

When entering a fresh new relationship, it’s just a matter of time before your friends will probably start to notice a change in you. That new skip in your step, the sudden annoyingly positive outlook on life. Hey, it can be hard to mask that exciting new feeling! And that’s probably because you haven’t met the parents yet.

Meeting the parents isn’t a relationship requirement per se, but it’s an unquestionable rite of passage into something serious. In my experience, getting the mom to like you is pretty easy providing that you’re a decent human and bothered to do your hair. However, winning over the father can be…tricky. Luckily, there’s a checklist that can help you out on that first time encounter. Unfortunately, I wasn’t actually aware of the checklist, and meeting her dad for the first time was nothing short of a train wreck.

Checklist for a good First Impression

Show up well rested, and preferably sober.

The night before meeting her parents, the lady and I went out to celebrate…Friday. A pub was chosen, and I inadvertently parked in front of a bus stop. Turns out…you can’t do that.

Arrive on time

After walking back to the pub the following morning and realizing that the car was towed, I told my lady friend that we will have to have to grab a taxi. Adding in the fact that we were both hungover and had overslept, we were already running late.

Don’t show up empty handed

Arriving at her parent’s place 45 minutes late in the back of a taxi, we make our way up to the doorbell when she turns to me and asks if I brought the wine. With dry mouth and a head full of Advil, I tell her it’s in the car. Which is somewhere in a secured city lot.

Break the ice early. Conversation is key

Ok, this part was actually a little easier than I had anticipated. After her father – a giant bear of a man – shook my hand and made verbal note of our punctuality, we settled down for brunch. Some small talk was made, and I was starting to feel a bit more comfortable. The jokes turned into laughter at the table and I started feeling a bit more confident. The Advil was probably kicking in.

Be genuine.

Six dinner rolls and a pitcher of water later, the alcohol from the night before was loosening its death grip on my system. My confidence was reaching an unhealthy ceiling and I thought it was a good time to be honest about why we were late. What followed was a conversation with her dad that made me quickly regret not having that bottle of wine with me…

“So anyway, I really do apologize for being late. It’s honestly not like me. I had no idea how long it takes to catch a taxi in this city!”

“Taxi? Don’t you have your drivers license? It’s a small city, why were you in a taxi?”

“Yeah, funny story, but I got towed! Your daughter and I went out yesterday and I thought I’d be responsible and leave the car at the pub overnight. Completely missed the bus stop sign. Whoops.”

“Mmmhmm. Parked in front of the bus stop, did ya?”

“Yeah. Damn driver must have called it in. The nerve, right? So anyway…what do you do for work?”

“I’m a bus driver for the city.”

Fuck.

I’m not sure if it was me turning fifty shades of purple or stammering like Porky Pig, but somehow her dad saw the humour in me placing my foot in my mouth and actually offered to drive me down to the impound lot to get my car back.

I’d like to think that I was young and stupid at the time, but if memory serves me correctly I was thirty two and well versed in the consequences of late night drink. Still, as luck would have it, I wound up marrying this girl.

So, if you find yourself in a new relationship and it’s about time to meet the parents, maybe it’s a good time to go over that small checklist of things to do….or not to do. And if you do decide to party it up the night before and show up haggard without a vehicle, at least try to make ’em laugh. You may not end up marrying the person, but at least you’ll come out with a story.

Cheers!