Matt Hazard

Man, I’m too old for this. 2021 is a young mans’ game. I grew up in the 80s, and things were a lot simpler back then. There were no ‘mental health issues’ or people who disregarded their own gender back then, it was a simpler time. But as time continues to move forward, there are crazier and crazier things that the world becomes exposed to – and maybe that’s just progression – but damn it’s a change.

To be blunt, I’m pushing 40 now. Forty years old, that’s a real notch on life’s Richter scale. It seems like yesterday I was giving advice to 20-something year olds who were set out to date men in their 30s. A lot has happened since then. Mental health awareness. The #MeToo movement. A global pandemic. Albeit all very important, very relevant causes and real world scenarios, these are things that the older people who’ve been around awhile have had a tough time grasping. I know it’s hard for some people to sympathize with those who just don’t quite grasp the gravity of all the world’s changes, but coming from someone who’s getting up there in age, I ask you – give it some time. This is a lot to take in for some folks. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Hold the hope..

Let me start by saying that I’m a millennial by technicality. No, that doesn’t mean that I’m ashamed of it, it means that instead of being born in 1990, I was born in 1982…which means I’ve seen a LOT of shit. I can sympathize with both the younger crowd and the older crowd. I was a big supporter of the #MeToo movement. Conversely, I also believe that the anti-vaxxers are rapidly becoming the root cause of the continuation of the current world pandemic. I mean come on, medicine is here to help, and if the source of the distrust argument is that ‘there isn’t enough proof of the safety of vaccines‘, then why are they turning to a NON scientific community for opinion? Regardless….the one thing that I myself have always found ridiculous was the mental health trend that’s been going on for the past decade. Until now.

I’ve typically viewed the mental health trend as nothing more than a ‘trend’. Not to discredit ACTUAL people who suffer – I’ve always thought that I’ve seen a difference between individuals who are really struggling, versus those with internet dependencies who aren’t getting enough attention. My views have since changed slightly.

I’m not sure if it’s getting out of the broadcasting industry, the pandemic, or the family feud that I had two years ago, but something in me has changed. My stoicism has gone to the wayside. Not fully, I might add – I still actively see a lot of people as weak, just not necessarily under the same circumstances. I’ve seen a lot of shit in the past three years. I’ve gone through some of my own. And because of that, I can’t fully say that I’ve come out the other side okay.

Fights with family has taken away my confidence, my time in media has taken away my creativity, and the pandemic has forced me into an isolation, that – while warranted (and somewhat invited) – has eroded my ability to be outgoing. The result? A man who is now very much an introvert, who questions his own behaviour at all times, and who lacks the confidence to post his own thoughts in fear of ridicule and rejection. I’ve been wanting to get back into stand-up comedy for a while now, but the world around me has changed so much that I’m afraid to think and express freely. My time in radio has taught me that I *can* be myself, so long as my thoughts and ideology fit the narrative of that particular station. Hey, it’s business. They have a very, very particular listener base, and my bits had to comply with what the audience wanted to hear. I was moulded to pander. Yet, I was ‘encouraged’ to be myself. However, to be honest, I don’t fault the station. They’re just a small part of the bigger society driven machine. I really do miss the days of being able to think freely and do my own thing, whether that be this blog or even writing comedy bits without feeling the need to hit the delete button in fear of offending someone – but that’s the real problem, isn’t it? Nobody is allowed to think freely anymore without the fear of inevitably being shit on by a group of people who have no sense of humour and can’t see past an obvious joke.

I started this post with the intent of going into my own dark details of mental health, but now find myself recoiling. It’s habitual, I suppose. This is now the world we live in; second guessing everything we do because we’ve seen it so much in the past few years that we’re now programmed to hit the stop button on free thought. I realize that this space was once a place for a comedic outlet. Maybe one day it will be again. Until then, I leave you with a hashtag from my favourite TV show, that today holds a lot more meaning than it ever used to..

#Fsociety.