Matt Hazard

The older I get, the more I wonder how I will be remembered.  I realise that I’m neither rich nor famous, so whatever legacy I leave behind probably won’t go down in the history books.  Perhaps the real question is how do I want to be remembered?  

I’ll level with you.  It’s a bitterly cold Monday evening and it’s been raining all day, and for many of the daylight hours I’d been working outside in the rain.  A far cry from where I thought I’d be with my big 2015 media push, but I’m not complaining – I really, really like money.  The point is, the cold depressing rain did two things;  soak through 3 layers of clothing including a brand new ‘water resistant’ jacket, and saturate my brain with enough chilled sky water that I began to ponder the meaning of life.  So here I am, three beers deep, questioning what I will ultimately amount to before my inevitable departure from this planet.

Don’t get me wrong, as depressing as all of this sounds I’m actually really, really happy.  I have an amazing wife and a great job.  I just really, really hate cold rain.  To be honest, I actually love life so damn much that in an extremely selfish way I want to continue to live on through the memories of others based on my achievements – but that’s where I get stuck.  What exactly have I achieved?  I’m not exactly the ‘rising comedian’ I dreamed to be back in 2013.  I’m no longer the radio personality that I was just over a year ago.  To be properly remembered I’d have to do something even more impacting, like pulling off a high profile bank heist, or maybe engaging in a Twitch ban scandal.  You know?  Something important.

Honestly, I just want to have some credibility behind my name in the obituary when my time comes.  Something with a little less notoriety than dying of heart disease from a preventable Dominos Pizza addiction, you know?

Maybe in the end it doesn’t matter if you’re known for your accomplishments or not.  Maybe just being remembered for being a good human being is enough.  Maybe being four beers down on a Monday night is a sign to stop worrying about ‘a legacy’ when I’m not even 40 years old yet.  Maybe the real underlying issue to all this rambling is that I’m actually just procrastinating and should really be finishing my Java homework.  Perhaps focusing on real priorities and not stressing about the mundane inevitable is what I really should be concerning myself with.  Perhaps it’s time to be proactive, give my head a shake and actually finish that school project?  Heh, nah.  I’ll settle for a nice mind clearing game of hockey on the PS4 and a quaint pizza dinner from Dominos.

Happy Monday.