Matt Hazard

Just to prove that I do have a shred of humanity buried deep inside this twisted mind of mine, I occasionally consider a life where I would hold others in a higher regard over myself.  A life where I’m not my own focal point, and where everything I did would strongly influence the life of another.  Where I’d be entrusted as a responsible human being to put my own needs aside to provide and give care for a higher priority.  That’s right folks, I’m talking about fatherhood.

Sometimes I think of what my life would be like if I had kids.  I’m at the age now where I’m already thinking of a family life and what that would be like.  Fully understanding that this may also include finding someone who already has kids.  Keeping in mind that being a guardian is not the same as being a biological father, it’s just as important.  You would still love the child, and provide the same way a real father would.

Of course, with older kids it would be a lot different.  For instance, if I walked into someones life and they had a 9 year old, the child wouldn’t necessarily view me as “dad”.   If I ever were to become “dad” to the child, it would be on their terms.  And in a lot of situations, you just remain a guardian which is fine too.  My uncle married someone with two kids from a prior relationship, and he’s just referred to as “Dave” around the house.  Or Uncle D, whenever I come over to score a free meal.  My aunt is aces.

Just for fun, lets run through a checklist of skills I ALREADY have that would be deemed baby daddy worthy..  

• I have 4 younger brothers, and therefore know how to change a diaper.
• I took a babysitting course (that my mom made me take), and was the only male in it.  This means I know how to deal both with keeping a child alive by myself for several hours, and also with humiliation in a social setting.
• Just the same as newborns, I enjoy a good boob, which means early on I could relate to my child

Although I am no where close to a situation that grants me captains seat in the minivan, I’ve lightly joked with the idea of adopting a baby and playing the roll of a single dad.  Interesting fact, did you know if a man adopts a baby he’s still entitled to paternity leave?  Forget crazy cat ladies, being a crazy baby daddy could be my retirement plan!  Just picture a house with 70 kids and a man in a housecoat running around with a newspaper and corncob pipe shouting “pull my finger” at every turn.  Try getting a house full of cats on that bandwagon.  Although, the title crazy baby daddy sounds negative..